Nico Nico Nicotine: A Vape Shop AU
by v a p e w a v e N I C O
Summary: Nico Yazawa always knew she took a wrong turn somewhere in life, but it was the magic the gathering tournament at the vape shop that really solidified the sentiment. (NicoMaki)
1. Chapter 1

Nico Yazawa always knew she took a wrong turn somewhere in life, but it was the magic the gathering tournament at the vape shop that really solidified the sentiment.

The job had started as a favor. Or, rather, Nozomi was leaving town and was hoping Nico could be her replacement for a few months while she was on vacation. "Use your nico-nico charm, Niccochi!" where Nozomi's only real instructions. The boss, a strange, jittery blond man who fixed radios in the back, rarely give her instructions beyond, "sell things and make sure they don't kill each other."

Nico sometimes wished she could let them kill each other.

It was a typical Saturday like any other: a trickle of regular customers in the morning and afternoon, followed by a crowd of Super-Smash Brothers tryhards and magic the gathering nerds in the evenings. Nico hated the evening the most, even if they did leave some nico-nico tips in the tip jar. She hated the unpleasant smells of the unwashed boys and girls, the sickening laughter of annoying people who didn't so much as have the excuse to be drunk, and mostly, she hated that girl in that fucking stupid fedora. It was always the same girl who came in. Red hair. Well dressed. Er. Until you saw what was on her head. Why on earth was someone that attractive wearing a fedora? Why was she playing games with people who insisted on Final Destination No Items Fox Only? It was a mystery for the ages.

Nico ignored the people who came in, unless they asked her an especially interesting question about juices or the mechanics of the vape equipment. If her boss didn't care, she saw little reason to expend charisma. It was a mixing day for Nico. Matt, or Mark, or whatever his name was, encouraged her to make her own juices for the store, mostly because they sold well. He would tell her, "Let the creativity flow through you. I can show you the ways of the vape."

 _$9 an hour, Nico. $9 an hour._

The afternoon went too fast. When the first stragglers of seven o'clock began to lay heavy binders of cards on the table, Nico knew it was time. They had Descended Upon Her. The redhead puffed little clouds from her little vape pen as she walked in, oblivious of the trail of coughs and admirers that seemed to follow her. Several nerds gathered at the low hookah tables with cards all over the place. Above them were posters of the galaxy, Darth Vader, and A-RISE. All around doritos flowed, Mountain Dew crunched into the plastic red cups. People had begun to do magic things. What was a plainswalker? Nico did not know. Nico did not care. Nico only rung up the drinks

It was around nine when things started to go downhill.

"This girl cheated!"

Oh this guy? Wasn't this the guy that accused a twelve year of cheating last week? Nico took a drag of her low-nico-nico-nicotine vanilla/cherry flavor from her fancy vape box before dignifying him with a response. "I'll nico nico need some proof."

The redheaded girl raised her eyebrow at this sentence. Nico huffed, wasn't she sticking up for the fedora princess even if she used her nicos?

"I have never seen these cards before in my entire life! I'd have to sell my house to buy these cards! She's just paying to win."

It was Nico's turn to raise an eyebrow. "You want me to kick him out, princess?"

The girl gave her a cool look. "I don't need your help."

 _Well fuck you too then!_ "He's annoying me, so too bad. You're out buddy." She gave the man a pat on the back. "Quit picking on the freshmen, would you?"

The man was very huffy as he left. A cloud of something Nico definitely did not make followed him as he banged the door.

"What was that all about?" Nico's boss asked, as she swept away the crumbs from the couches.

"Some rich kiddo got accused of cheating because the other guy is bad."

"That one? She is strong with the juice."


	2. The Vape Side

It was chilly when Nico stepped outside The Knights of Vapor Vape Shop. She sighed. Why was her boss so damn weird? What the hell did being "strong with the juice" even mean? Her breath was a ghost in the October air. Akihabara was surprisingly quiet for a Saturday evening. A cool breeze grasped her pigtails, pulling on her skirt, scattering leaves into the street. Nico looked to the sky to see a hazy moon's glow, and the striking silhouette of The Redhead, gazing up at the night sky. Somehow she was standing on the telephone wire, as if she were an angel.

Just go home, Nico. Make dinner, watch A-RISE videos, drink yourself to sleep. "Hey princess, you're looking very nico-nii'd tonight."

The Redhead turned to face her. In the glow of the moonlight she seemed ethereal, the way the pale blue light caught on the rim of her fedora. A dapper angel. An angle, even. Purple- were they really purple?- eyes flashed, a clenched jaw, sudden puffs of Honey Suckle My Cukes (Nico Nii mix) into the night- "What do you want?"

"Just saying hi, damn." Nico yawned. "Did you win your yugi-oh tournament?"

"Of course."

"Do you have a Dark Magician Girl?"

A sudden descent from the clouds of vaping. The girl's heels clacked to the ground, her hair and clothes still immaculate- (navy frilled dress, beige cardigan… jacket… thing…)- fedora unruffled. The Redhead was staring deep into her eyes now. Nico squinted, was that red eyeliner? It was hard to tell in the darkness.

"There has been an awakening, Nico Yazawa. Have you felt it?"

"Uh, what?"

"The dark side, and the light. Where will you fall?"

"I mean, I want your dark magician girl, but…"

"Do not take this lightly." The Redhead disappeared into the darkness. Her voice remained an echo in the street. "The juices will show all."

Redhead was smoking something Nico had not stamped with her pink Nico-seal. Fucking. Hell. She was going to need a strong drink when she got home.

"I have felt it too."

Nico jumped, and tripped. She landed in a trashcan. From within the trashcan next to her, a familiar, somewhat pouty voice continued-

"There have been changes in Akihabara. I can feel it. The pull to the other side."

"Matt, dude, why are you in a trashcan."

Matt the vape shop technician rose from the garbage can, filth dripping off his too-large black sweater and black scarf. The lid remained on his head, like a crown. Lord of the trash. Spaghetti poured out of his pockets. A Wendy's wrapper clung to his cheek. "Nico, you need a teacher. I can show you the ways of the juice."

Nico's eyes started twitching. "What the HELL is the juice stuff you keep talking about? Why does the fedora princess stand on telephone wires? Why are you in a trash can? It's eleven, can I just. Go home? Please? Nico-Nii needs her sleep."

"Your training starts tomorrow. Six AM."

"I'm going to go work at a maid café. Fuck this."

"I'm giving you a dollar raise."

"…fine."

The morning's overcast sky looked ominous to Nico. Or maybe it was just the way the energy drink was settling in her poor hungover stomach. Drops of rain fell sporadically on her as she stumbled into the alley where The Knights of Vapor Vape Shop was located. With wearines in her heart, she opened the door.

Matt was wearing dark robes. Not a bathroom, not a trenchcoat- no, this was a straight-up-stolen-from-a-Halloween-Shop black robe to summon demons with. It made him look even paler, if that were possible. (Not that Nico could talk.)

Nico tried to diplomatic approach. "Are you ready to have a nico-nico morning?"

Her boss held out a hand to silence her- or was he? He held up a vape pen. It was black, cross-shaped contraption. Matt pointed to it. "Watch."

Matt inhaled. His pasty face looked as though he was doing something sacred. Profound. Nico waited. As he exhaled, a red smoke shot out the pen in a cross shape.

"I woke up at five thirty in the morning for a religious-themed vape pen."

"Look closer."

It was… really red smoke. Some kind of fancy light inside it? It did not disappear into the air, but rather stayed in the same shape. Matt picked up the pen as if wielding a sword.

"Neat."

He threw the vape pen at the register, sending sparks flying and chunks of plastic and metal everywhere.

"Woah woah what the actual fuck dude! What did you just do? What is going on?" A burning smell came off the counter. Nico wrinkled her nose. "I'm not paying for that!"

With a steady hand, her boss looked like he was concentrating really hard, or maybe about to cry, Nico couldn't tell. The remains of the register lifted in the air, floating to roughly the same spot it was supposed to be. They did not fit in place, and crumbled to the floor.

"Uh." This was not nico nico going well.

"I'll fix it later."

"So… what was the point of all of that?"

"Has anyone ever told you the ways of the juice?"

"no…"

"Juice is everything. It is in the air. It is what binds all of us together, in one sticky sweet mess of clouds. It surrounds and penetrations us in nicotine. It is the balance of the world, the wheels of the universe that spin. It is what gives us our power."

"Uh."

"You have it, Nico Yazawa. Your mother has it. I have it."

"My mom vapes?"

Matt looked at her, his bespectacled gaze not quite piercing her, but at least making her vaguely uncomfortable. "Yes."

Her first task was to learn to wield her vape pen. Matt had an extra in the back, but someday she would have to build her own. Nico asked why this was necessary, and why he was willing to spend an extra dollar an hour to teach her the ways of the juices.

"You will see soon. Plots within plots."

Nico had never held a weapon before, of course. Her vape pen was pink, with pink lighting. Who was this originally for? She held it gingerly, as if any wrong movement would send vape smoke flying. (Not that it mattered, the whole store smelled like vape juice.)

It was in the afternoon that she noticed a new store go up across the alley. Mark's Smokes. A moving van pulled in with endless packages that streamed into the store. Nico did not think much of this. There had to be at least three maid cafes in their general vicinity. Matt, however, looked stormy as the people moved in and out.

"Why… why does it call to me…"

"Someone on the phone, boss?"

"Nico… you're… you're too young to understand… the call to the light…"

"You nico-nico need some coffee, boss." She squinted out the window. Wasn't that…?

The Redhead stood next to an older bearded man and another woman- brown hair, tan- carrying a package into the store. The two unfamiliar people stood smoking. Nico groaned. It looked like she'd be seeing even more of her fedora princess.


	3. Episode 3: Attack of the Vapor

The morning came with another hangover. Nico wondered if in all of the possible universes, one constant would remain is that she had a hangover. Schrodinger's Hangover. Every time she made a decision to drink, another parallel universe opened up. She stopped by Wendy's for a vanilla frostie, as if it would cure her pounding head. The smell of baconator fries assault her nose deep into the recesses of her associative memory of yesterday's lunch. In a daze she walked up to the counter. She wasn't entirely awake yet. It was only after the cute orange-haired girl took her order that she noticed a familiar figure in dark robes sitting next to the trash can. Nico knew that scowl. Fuck. Was he everywhere? An emissary of The Juice, omnipresent of her every move? "Hi Matt."

"Sit, my apprentice. We have much to discuss before we can open the shop today."

Nico's head hurt. "Is this on the clock?" Was it normal to come home and drink three whiskey-on-the-rocks after work? Nico thought so, but she'd needed to drink away her failed ambitions anyways.

With a somber look Matt put down his sweet-and-sour glazed chicken nugget, that had been centimeters from his cracked lips. He frowned. "This is not a mundane meeting, apprentice. 'Matt' is no longer present here. When we meet, I am Darth Vapor."  
Nico was regretting saying hi.

"Sit down. Observe. We are watching our enemies today."

Was this legal? Matt had the strangest intenseness, a gravity that made it hard to walk away, lest you break his immersion. She sighed.

"Show me our enemies."

Matt's shaking pasty hand pointed to a pair of robed individuals on the red tables outside. The bearded man. The tanned girl, three ponytails today. (Nico privately thought the girl would look good with pigtails. Maybe some ribbons.) They were eating. Ravenously. Floats. Baconators. Chicken in baconators. "You see this madness?" His voice cracked,

No one has even needed a chicken in a baconator. "They're going down."

"Follow my lead," In swishing dark robes he crept behind the condiment stand. Motioning for Nico to come. People were staring. She pulled over her hood and put on her sunglasses. "We mustn't be seen." With painstaking steps they navigated the dining room. If the enemy so much as peeped, the pair of sith lords would duck behind the high-chairs. No such need. Their passage was safe.

The outside was too bright, even with the sunglasses. Nico could see where Matt was coming from with this dark side shit. Dark meant safe. Cool. Far from the maddening crowd. Not requiring SPF 100.

"This is an interesting texture," the girl said, between gulps of her double-decker crispy chicken BLT, "the bacon is like…." She didn't finish.

"I know, Rey," The bearded man nodded, taking a sip of his strawberry natural lemonade. "The force lets us feel these things."

At mention of the girl's name, Matt into a sweat.

"She's the one!" His voice cracked. "The one who will balance the juices!"

"Uh."

Darth Matt shook with… emotional duress? A boner? "How can a scavenger from Jakku, New Mexico… this is unprecedented…"

The scavenger from Jakku, New Mexico dipped her double chocolate chip cookie into her chocolate frosty. She looked to be at peace. Nico felt a little bit jealous. Maybe she'd order a double chocolate chip cookie too.

* * *

Mark's Tokes was doing well. A slurry of customers was constantly lined up outside the florescent-green shop (neon lights trimmed the hazy windows, smoky signs that reminded Nico of Matt's vape sword.) hoping to get a bite of Mark's Forceful Brownies. The girl with the multiple ponytails and the cute poncho handed out samples in the street; Nico had gotten one and it was quite good, even made the workday far more pleasant. The girl, whose name was Rey, had told her to come in sometime and, "feel the guidance of the force." When Nico was face to face to her, it was easy to forget she had put a crispy chicken into a baconator once.

"Is that like… the juice?"

Rey's eyes widened, like Nico had struck her. "We must not speak of the juice here. It is a hidden mystery that Master Mark Hamill is trying to understand."

"There's a vape shop… across the street. I work there. The Knights of the Vapor Vape Shop."

"Knights of the Vapor… oh no, that means… goddammit…" Rey shook her head, her many ponytails swaying in the chilly air, "I thought he was gone… I need a smoke, fuck."

"S-sorry, dude."

"Be careful, Nico. Your boss will betray you in a heartbeat if it would further his own twisted ambitions."

"I get paid $10 an hour there."

"Ah." Rey nodded and Nico had a feel the slightly older woman had been in similar positions. "I understand."

* * *

Matt the Radar Technician was not pleased about Mark's Tokes, even though it didn't much affect his own customer base. "Why is it so popular? Why do those… do-gooders have so much business?" His voice was weak and rasping, like he'd spent the night previous crying. "It's not fair, Darth Nico. I have spent years on the run from… the light. The forces of sparks and brightness. It clouds my vision, fills my lungs with brightness."

They sat in the back, tinkering with flavors and coils. In the main room, someone was shouting about button mashing. "Boss, you should go outside sometime. Other than in the trash cans, I mean. All this stuffy air can't be very nico-nico good for you. Meet someone. Get a hobby."

"The light burns my soul, erodes the corners of the darkness. And call me Darth Kylo. I am not a 'boss'. The mundane life holds no appeal for me. Hobbies? What could such things do for me?"

"Whatever you say, Boss Darth Kylo."

He scowled. Hair hung into his face, hiding a faint scar. "I need you to go on a mission, Darth Nico."

"Um." The last mission she went on for Matt the Radar Technician was getting a signed picture of Tsubasa Kira. She didn't _mind_ exactly, but… "Okay."

"It's a reconnaissance mission. I need you to infiltrate Mark's Tokes and find out what his purpose is here."

"…I think he just wants to make some nico-nico dollars, boss."

"There is a greater force at work here. The juice is flowing in ways we cannot possibly comprehend. It grows sticky and strange. Our only option is to follow it."

"This is really creepy. It's kind of stalking, dude."

A sudden chill went through the air. Suddenly Boss Darth Kylo looked menacing in his Halloween store robes he likely purchased at 75% off, his usually hunched figure rising from the smoke, eyes alit with a blaze Nico had never seen before. "Like you can speak of such things, Darth Nico." His voice was harsh and cracking. "I have seen the transgressions you have committed. I know all about the stolen hamburgers, the watchful gaze you once kept on a group of young women, the lust that fills your heart for power and girls in fedoras…" The vape boxes wobbled, the glass bottles rattled. Suddenly the midday sun was blotted out behind a growing cloud. A coldness fell over her. Memories of the young idols slashed through her thoughts. Glances of the fedora's girls shoulders, shining red hair under the fedora's unattractive brim. The taste of the ill-gotten McDoubles. Everything was cloying and suffocating inside the dim-lit room; as if the atmosphere itself held a spirit of malice within its molecules.

It suddenly occurred to Nico that perhaps there was truly something to the talk of juices and vapors and forces, and that her boss wasn't just an eccentric radar technician. "Christ, alright dude."

When was Nozomi coming back from vacation?


End file.
